Wet Paint/Big Deal/The Racket - Old Blue Last 11/10/10

I've been to a heap of gigs between this and Mark Kozelek but they've mostly been one's I've played at or one's with my girlfriend playing or Aphex gigs that I've worked at and I don't want to review myself and I don't want to review Mari's band again and again (it's always great really) and I don't want to review a job.  Having said that, Wet Paint is my mate Babak's band and I'm gonna review him now, but I feel the need for it so that's how it is. Also, Big Deal were cool.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves, first off, this is a night to launch Babak's comic, Hilarious Consequences. I just finished it and I liked it a lot. It's like Jeffrey Brown, except I don't like Jeffrey Brown. It's funny and you should buy it is what I'm saying.

The first band tonight were The Racket and they were bloody awful. I mean I felt embarrassed for them, and it wasn't just that their music was crappy it was that they couldn't even play their crappy music well. I went and stood outside and to make sure I missed the end of their set I stayed there for ages and ended up missing the second band completely.  Such is gigs.

Big Deal played next and even though they're absolutely not my usual bag, I enjoyed it quite a bit. It probably helped that I was on my own and trying really hard not to be cynical. Plus they're really very easy on the eye. They're just a boy and girl, two guitars and two mics. Dead simple stuff and all the lyrics are about oh why won't you let me in I love you etc but they get away with it because their voices both sound like they should be singing that kind of trite teen stuff. So they were nice anyway, then Wet Paint played and they were really loud and loads better than last time I saw them and I prefer their newer stuff as it's a bit less by the numbers 90's America and on the whole a bit more inventive and veering closer to the kind of stuff I'm interested in. They played well and even when Siamak stood on his tuner pedal by accident at the end of the last song he rescued the situation by taking his bass off and doing a robot dance in place of a bassline.  It was good, modest, fun and I had a relaxing night which is an achievement in itself these days.

Hair Police - The Old Blue Last 16/11/09

Turned up late after rushing from the ICA Dilloway gig and managed to catch the end of a set you probably had to see the beginning of to appreciate.

Oh well.

1st Annual UK Noise Conference - Old Blue Last 07/07/09

The way this was set up the abundant acts were on constant rotation playing really short sets so I don't think I managed to quite see everyone, but I saw a whole bunch of good stuff. Here's some mini reviews in no particular order:

Sloppy Seconds did a twin rabbit costumed drum and guitar confusion, smashed up a clock and chalked times on the floor, with the audience trapped inbetween them looking a bit bewildered.

Blue Sabbath Black Fiji were described by someone I overheard as 'fun'. Not really my idea of fun but I can't deny that they are chock full of beans, and every time they play they spill those beans everywhere, all over their stuff, all over the place, and it makes a big fucking racket.

Cementimental freaked out with a modded megaphone, flailing around, fighting with his tools.

Timothy C Holehouse played vile plunger triggered noise with a screaming beard and little hat.

Defibrillators had a very exciting looking drumkit, which failed to excite too much.

Team Brick looked a bit annoyed.

A guy I know only as 'Ryan' played the highlight of the night, an intense strobe experiment that stabbed eyes and ears simultaneously, repeatedly, rapidly, with sharp bursts of blinding light and damaging sound. Extreme, almost agonising, utterly brilliant.

Eugene S Robinson - The Old Blue Last 30/04/09

Eugene is a big fucker. Anyone who's seen him on stage with Oxbow will attest to that. He is a hulking man, and not only that but he enjoys his size. He enjoys the theatrics of it all. He enjoys being imposing, appearing powerful. He doesn't enjoy violence though, he's just interested in it. Well that's his official stance on the subject anyway.

He's promoting a book he's written called 'Fight: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Ass-Kicking but Were Afraid You'd Get Your Ass Kicked For Asking' which is a compendium of stories about his youth, interviews with various fighting types from pro's to bar room brawlers, and illustrated tips on how to beat the shit out of people. Sat downstairs at the Old Blue Last he relays stories of violence over the general noise of the pub. He's a decent enough raconteur and the stories split evenly between him getting beaten up and him doing the beating. They're all pretty nasty. He maintains that his interest lies in investigating the nature of evil and the red mist that takes over when a violent man gets violent. Apparently he talked to Charles Manson about it and he didn't know what Eugene was going on about.

It's entertaining enough, if a little worrying being sat close enough to see how his eyes kind of crazily wander off when he starts talking about kicking people in. I'm not convinced by his motives though. It seems to me he's attached this ponderous human psyche angle to what is essentially a love of violence. It's odd because actually behind all the fighting talk he seems like a really nice guy, and certainly an interesting character, and his stories stand up without this unconvincing justification he's attached to them. But you know, whatever, I'm not gonna argue with the guy, he's a big fucker.

Ingested - Old Blue Last 25/04/09

I am way behind on these write ups, so much so that I can barely remember this gig other than I was supposed to be going to some terrible club to see someone but at the last minute got told not to bother because everyone was leaving and just to go to some other place and wait, at which point I got a sudden recollection that wasn't there supposed to be some metal gig on at The Old Blah Blah so I went there instead because it was just around the corner and lo and behold there WAS a metal gig on and it was a blast.

Sure, it was probably helped by the fact that I dodged a dodgy dance club bullet and ended up there by surprise, but regardless, it was decent. There was leather and hair and sweat and BC Riches. They played death metal I guess, who knows, metal genres are a fucking minefield but they were tight, fast and heavy and really fucking entertaining so what more do you want from them? Saved my night. They tore it up and looked dead pleased with themselves. And rightly so.

Wet Paint - The Old Blue Last 09/04/09

Ah Wet Paint, you sound like my own personal nostalgia. All Pavemented and Dino Juniored up, I can hear you from bygone times, the buzz of youth still audible in your amps, despite being drained from your faces.

It's maybe a year since I last saw these guys and evidently they've been practising. They're tight now, but still retain the appealing fuzz to it all, like they've been serviced but neglected to opt for the full valet. And with welcome new addition Macks Faulkron chewing away on bass they've injected a touch of the Thin Lizzy into the proceedings, which is like who wouldn't want that?

So hooray for Wet paint, a band far more entertaining to watch than their literal namesake. I will see you again, because you are my mates.

Il Goblini/Lasers from Atlantis - Old Blue Last 13/02/09

Lasers from Atlantis are about twelve, they were so cute. You just wanted to eat them up. Aw. Their sound was a nice little psychy proggy sound for kids, it was like a birthday party freakout. It was SO cute. Anyway, maybe I should afford them more respect, but whatever. The guitarist and the keyboardist are probably destined for great things, in about ten years. Bless 'em.

Continuing the kids out past their bedtime theme of the night, Il Goblini are Goblin covers band at a school band bash. Comprised of virtuoso kids dressed up like what they think adults dress like, they've emerged from their bedrooms to bring us the music of the best italian horror funk band, with none of the italian horror funk. It was lacking, like playing pacman on a phone. Il Goblini are the wank, to Goblin's full sex. Sure they're fun, and they're tight, but they just don't compare. But then, how could they?

Queen of Swords/Teeth - Old Blue Last 11/09/08

I think they were called Teeth, that's what it said on the website, but all I could see was legs. Really great legs. Sure there was this surfs up looking dude on a laptop playing diddlywiddly acid rhythms and some hip guy on a stripped down drumkit bashing along but really all I could see was the legs on the girl singing. At least I think she was singing, I couldn't really hear her, or I wasn't listening. It was some ra ra ra kind of stuff I think. Anyway, my god what a set of pins. Great band.

Then Queen of Swords came on and did this synth heavy horror set that was very satisfying, all drone and drum fills. A nice hefty sound. Some guy behind me who I've never met in my life taps me on the shoulder and jerks his chin at the bassist and tuts and goes "playin' with his back to the audience innee, tsch, TURN AROUND MATE" to which my response was a confused nod of agreeance because I didn't really know why he thought it necessary to tell me that and inwardly I was of the opinion that I hadn't noticed because I was just listening to the music and who cares if he's facing the wrong way because he's a fat dude and I don't care what his face looks like I don't want to gaze longingly into his eyes or anything - the dude is just some fat dude - but obviously this guy has a problem with it and I don't want to upset him. Guy looks ready to flip and I don't want to die at the hands of a man who has a problem with bassists that face the wrong way. That is not what I want at all. That was it though, that was all he wanted to say to me and once that was out of the way I got on with the business of enjoying Queen of Swords. Which I did with ease because they're very good.

Later on I stole an ashtray from another bar because why the fuck not.

Haunted Fucking/Deathscalator/Broken Arm/Icarus Line - Old Blue Last 10/08/08

Didn't see Haunted Fucking, sorry 'bout that Haunted Fucking but you were on too early. Deathscalator were boring, I think PJ said something like I can hear rock music coming out of the speakers but I can't see a rock band on the stage, I dunno, maybe that was Broken Arm. Fuck knows. Both of them were boring as hell. It was kind of worrying actually because really they weren't doing anything particularly wrong it's just they sounded like who the fuck cares? I'm serious I don't even remember seeing two different bands before Icarus Line that's how invisible they sounded. Oh dear. I got pretty drunk and I walked into a door and really hurt my face. I mean it really fucking hurt y'know, all down one side, the edge of the door slamming into the edge of my eye socket and my cheekbone. Fuck, man. Seriously. Icarus Line played and they were like a weak Stooges so I just went and had a cigarette then had an argument about sex and went home and when I woke up the next day I didn't even have a black eye or a hangover or anything. Maybe I'm a mutant or something I dunno.

Justice Yeldham - Old Blue Last 16/06/08

So I saw him yesterday, fucking Australian. It was by turns hilarious and sickening, with a consistant underscore of 'a bit boring'. HOWEVER, what really made the night (apart from Queen of Swords who were brilliant) was this hat-wearing guy in the crowd who, while Justice attempted three times to break a thick pint glass over his head, shouted WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO YOURSELF STOP DOING THAT TO YOURSELF and then later, as Justice's mouth slobbered blood over shards of glass, implored him to stop his show, exclaiming THIS IS A REALLY FUCKED UP SITUATION, THIS IS A GREAT MAN BUT THIS IS A FUCKED UP SITUATION AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO REALISE WHAT A FUCKED UP SITUATION THIS IS THAT WE ARE IN RIGHT NOW and on and on and Justice tried to pull him up on stage but he was having none of it and he just pushed his way back through the crowd berating everybody in the room before running out screaming.

Even the guy on stage who was breaking sheets of glass with his teeth was taken aback. Superb performance from the hat man.